Top Ten Lists
Top 10 Things You May Witness On A Christian Cruise Ship
10. When someone goes overboard, they simply walk back
9. Swimming pools being used as baptismal tanks
8. Hecklers shouting at the entertainers, "I'm praying for you!"
7. The wine being turned into water
6. Cabin names like, "Lions Den" "Upper Room"
5. Ballroom dancing in the Spirit
4. Teams of intercessors casting out calories at the buffet
3. People referring to the ports of call as missionary trips
2. Ship's captain releases a dove to determine when to return home
1. Christian comedians ending each set with an altar call
Top 10 Reasons We're Glad Our Bibles Aren't Still on Stone Tablets
10. Chiseling causes global warming
9. Stone material just soaks up highlighter ink
8. Bible thumping preaching would be fatal
7. Large print edition can't be read without a ladder
6. Hotel drawers would collapse under the weight
5. Orthodox Jewish men wearing Tefillins would pull ligaments
4. People would missinterpet the scripture, "Lay aside every weight..."
3. The Bible case wouldn't fit in the plane's overhead compartment
2. Bible Schools would have to include weight lifting courses
1. Impossible to dog-ear the page containg your favorite scripture
Top Ten Ways To Avoid The Offering
10. Tell the usher, “No thank you, I’ve got plenty.”
9. Fall out in the spirit, any spirit
8. Make a mad dash for the restroom
7. Fumble for your wallet like you play for the Buffalo Bills
6. Don’t carry cash (Only works in non digital churches)
5. Knock the offering to the ground. Help pick it up saying, “Here’s mine.”
4. When the usher lets you make change, make sure you break even
3. Give gold chocolate candy coins you bought ½ price after Passover
2. Tell the usher you're fasting giving
1. Don’t ever give. You'll never receive and be put in that position again
Top 10 Things You May Witness On A Christian Cruise Ship
10. When someone goes overboard, they simply walk back
9. Swimming pools being used as baptismal tanks
8. Hecklers shouting at the entertainers, "I'm praying for you!"
7. The wine being turned into water
6. Cabin names like, "Lions Den" "Upper Room"
5. Ballroom dancing in the Spirit
4. Teams of intercessors casting out calories at the buffet
3. People referring to the ports of call as missionary trips
2. Ship's captain releases a dove to determine when to return home
1. Christian comedians ending each set with an altar call
Top 10 Reasons We're Glad Our Bibles Aren't Still on Stone Tablets
10. Chiseling causes global warming
9. Stone material just soaks up highlighter ink
8. Bible thumping preaching would be fatal
7. Large print edition can't be read without a ladder
6. Hotel drawers would collapse under the weight
5. Orthodox Jewish men wearing Tefillins would pull ligaments
4. People would missinterpet the scripture, "Lay aside every weight..."
3. The Bible case wouldn't fit in the plane's overhead compartment
2. Bible Schools would have to include weight lifting courses
1. Impossible to dog-ear the page containg your favorite scripture
Top Ten Ways To Avoid The Offering
10. Tell the usher, “No thank you, I’ve got plenty.”
9. Fall out in the spirit, any spirit
8. Make a mad dash for the restroom
7. Fumble for your wallet like you play for the Buffalo Bills
6. Don’t carry cash (Only works in non digital churches)
5. Knock the offering to the ground. Help pick it up saying, “Here’s mine.”
4. When the usher lets you make change, make sure you break even
3. Give gold chocolate candy coins you bought ½ price after Passover
2. Tell the usher you're fasting giving
1. Don’t ever give. You'll never receive and be put in that position again
